“Baba can we have a Pizza tonight please, please, please, today is Friday,” pleaded my 8 year old daughter Sofia. Ufff! Here we go again; why Friday doesn’t come only once a month, I thought to myself. “But we had Pizza 3 weeks back, plus it’s not good for your health” I feebly tried to play the health card, but both of knew it’s not going to fly. She knew quite well, I like Pizzas too.
So I started looking for the “buy one get one free” coupon that was supposed to be hiding under all the other coupons on our fridge. But as always, I could never find stuff when I really need it. So I went on the Pizza Hut website and ordered 1 large cheese pizza. “Can we also order bread sticks and coke; it’s cheaper when you order them together you know!” I looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and pride; Smart girl, I thought, must have taken after me. The total came to just over $ 16; add a few bucks more for tips and I had an even $ 20 for a dinner. Even though, I knew in my heart, a home cooked meal is much healthier and a lot cheaper; I still went ahead and ordered the Pizza anyway.
Why did I do that? Very simple! I did a quick calculation in my mind that went something like this; wife don’t have to cook, she is happy (check), Sofia get to eat her pizza, she won’t bother me for another 3 weeks (check) and finally, I also like to eat it (check). So a win win situation for all. It had taken me less than 30 seconds to make that decision. I am positive most of us find ourselves doing something similar in these situations.
When I ordered that Pizza, in my mind, I had seen a picture of a happy family and somehow that image for me was worth far more than $ 20. So my question to all of us today is this; why do we use different standards or even a different thought process, when we are faced with decisions that are actually beneficial to our children. Why some of us talk ourselves out of making important decisions which make perfectly logical sense to so many of us? Based on my own experience, today, two of the most common problems facing the Pakistani expatriate parents are their children’s weak Urdu language skills and lack of cultural awareness. “Why are you not answering to me in Urdu,” and “why are you not saying Asalam -o-Alakum to your Dada and Dadi on the phone” is a scene that is played in almost every other expatriate family household. These are legitimate concerns that are shared by thousands of Pakistani families across the world. But than why we don’t take any serious action to provide the right kind of resources and the tools that our children need is a million dollar question. Why suddenly saving 15 or 20 dollars becomes so important to us that we would rather spend them on buying pizzas or briyanis?
But that’s not even the biggest irony. We (parents) feel perfectly comfortable buying $ 200 game systems and pay additional $40 for each game, but than decide to become Mr/Ms frugal when we have to spend a tiny portion of that on things that actually teach something good to our children. Isn’t it hypocrisy? It’s clearly the responsibility of the parents to provide children access to the critical tools that would allow them to stay connected with their roots. So let’s stop blaming our children for lack of knowledge about their culture or language. A young tree needs strong roots to grow tall and it takes lots of hard work to provide the right kind of nourishment.
The point that I am trying to make here is quite simple; it’s perfectly fine to order Pizzas, watch movies, buy games or drink your beloved $ 4 lattes, but please don’t do it at the expense of your culture and language. When we loose our culture and language, we loose our identity. The pizzas, the briyanis and the lattes are not going to taste nearly as good when our simple question in Urdu is answered by a blank stare by your 8, 10 or 13 year old. Think about it!
So when next time your child comes and ask you for a Pizza, ask them to tell you the name of the pizza and the various toppings they want in proper Urdu, otherwise they are getting just the cheese pizza.
Have a good one!
Syed.H.Abbas
Founder, Urdu At Home.
